steps like fence breakers, going across the grain

there you are, standing across from me with a silent vow to keep

you and I walk home that night, and not sure what to think

we’re lonely and we’re hopeful that is true

in this night, there’s not much else to do

there you are, standing across from me with a silent vow to keep

you and I connect that night, if only for a scene

not in our right minds, but hopeful that is true

in this night, could I get close to you

take three steps and think of new thoughts

take four steps and never feel distraught

take five steps and i’m closer to doing

what i should not, what i should not

six steps, six steps, thinking of treason

seven steps, seven steps, crossing the line

take eight steps, no going back, doing

what i should not, what i should not,

what i should not even do

there you are, standing across from me with a silent vow to keep

you and I walk home that night, and not sure what to think

we’re lonely and we’re hopeful that is true

in this night, there’s not much else to do

there you are, standing across from me with a silent vow to keep

take the stairs to make it go slower and milk the time to seek

we’re alone and we’re hopeful, it is true

in this night, i admit that i want you

nine steps, nine steps, you take my hand

ten steps, ten steps, then our lips touch

eleven steps go on, the die’s cast

and twelve steps nail it shut

thirteen’s an unlucky number to

touch your head with mine

as we walk that fourteenth step

i know you like me 

but it’s beyond our time

last saturday, heave away

last saturday, heave away

coffee, sweat and village band 

sun bakes flowers on the land

last saturday, heave away

anarchy in books I read

hope rises not in chaos bred

last saturday, heavy away

eighty-two it reads outside

making sweet the morning ride

last saturday, heave away

hot to touch and warm the drive

yet in spirit and in body

i cannot feel more alive

ksenia

Left her behind in your youthful time

Fallen ill before confessing and suddenly died

She feared for his soul and left the cities behind

When Ksenia came back, she became a new kind

 

Ksenia, Ksenia, she became a fool-for-You

Ksenia, Ksenia, she knew exactly what you wanted her to do

 

She took his jacket and gave her money away

She did things for his soul and they called her his name

She wandered the city, all she did was pray

She gave her life up so that he could stay

 

Ksenia, Ksenia, she became a fool-for-You

Ksenia, Ksenia, she knew exactly what You wanted her to do

Walking in snowfall without any shoes

 

She could tell if you were speaking the truth

Put the bricks up in a church without any excuse

The hardest part of labor was all done through

This fool-for-God, it was all she could do

 

Saint Ksenia, Ksenia, she became a fool-for-You

Ksenia, Ksenia, she knew exactly what You wanted her to do

Saint Ksenia, Ksenia, she became a fool-for-You

Ksenia, Ksenia, she knew exactly what You wanted her to do

Walking in snowfall without any shoes

An example of walking in truth

watching clips of conflicts old

i see a story to unfold

the creases of the papers keep

the facing sides to make ends meet

one side, it longs to live it up

and drink vodka from a plastic cup

and never lower any tone

while in a group, never alone

and party like no other would

while children only wish they could

but immortality runs high

until here comes the other side

side two stands firm to end the night

the party’s over, falcon cries

with notebook handy to give fines

for stepping in between the lines

and arguments in broken speak

cause comments snide to go and leak

and tension ever runs so round

to keep from paying 50 crowns

one side just wants to party hard

and get school credit from afar

the other side just does the job

he’s given, it’s not really odd

one side thinks falcon is a prat

yet seems to cause the little spats

sometimes forgetting others in

the state of drunkeness worn thin

i once was part of that wild crew

i scratch my head for thoughts anew

why did I say “you fascist you”

to someone who, to his work, is true?

i had it coming, i’ll admit

a little snot and full of sh$t

but when I saw the tsar Roman

I left the party quick and ran….

letter never sent

i’ll send my love in a letter

that you will never read

i’ll send my hopes in a letter

that’ll never cross the sea

i’ll put my trust in all things

that together make us two

even if you don’t love me back

it’s better to talk it through

 

i should have said in person

what I had to say to you

but my fear it failed me

and knocked out times opportune

when being out in city streets

in cities of good minds

i fell in love and rose above

the disappearing times

the first time i met you

you told me i spoke well

you and i connected then

and lived to tell the tale

of times we met for talking

and times we met to be

together singing swingsongs

of the quiet baltic sea

i’ll send my love in a letter

that you will never read

i’ll send my hopes in a letter

that’ll never cross the sea

i’ll put my trust in all things

that together make us two

even if you don’t love me back

it’s better to talk it through

 

i never had to hide myself

from anything at all

i never once felt cornered

with my back against the wall

you believed in me and I in you

and told me what I need

you brought me to inner hope

and said that you miss me

i’ll send my love in a letter

that you will never read

i’ll send my hopes in a letter

that’ll never cross the sea

i’ll put my trust in all things

that together make us two

even if you don’t love me back

it’s better to talk it through

 

you’re beautiful, your eyes live on

they look at what is true

that suda screams sincerity

and I can see that too

i don’t mind you can see above

my tiny little self

standing tall means hard to fall

and i can see that well

i’ll send my love in a letter

that you will never read

i’ll send my hopes in a letter

that’ll never cross the sea

i’ll put my trust in all things

that together make us two

even if you don’t love me back

it’s better to talk it through

 

i wish i could see you

i wish i could see you again

i would be honest

and tell you all I can

i’ll send my love in a letter

that you will never read

i’ll send my hopes in a letter

that’ll never cross the sea

i’ll put my trust in all things

that together make us two

even if you don’t love me back

it’s better to talk it through

 

don’t be afraid to tell me

don’t be afraid

A bit of a change in credo

A couple of changes:

First, Nikolai Elamaa has been simplified to neeko e. Nothing major, just a bit less clunky on the eyes.

Second, you have probably noticed that my blog has become almost a straight creative writing blog. But in reality, it does not stray from its original path; it is an evolution of my original ideas. I still think about past homes, which you see in many poems, and I even do a bit of stuff on around here. It’s about being here, having an amazing center in Kentucky, and utilizing that inner peace, combined with faith, love and a lot of energy for life, to write something that will inspire you. It’s a reflection of my personal folklore, my using personal experience to make art, and to think about my homes…Ella said “home is where you are,” and she continues to be right.

Plus, this blog is not-for-profit. I don’t need a 501(c) 3 to do what I love…I’ll write ’til I die even if I don’t see a dime out of any of it.

Those of who you read, thank you, and spread the word. God’s peace with you all…

-neeko E

song against falckons, viru valge

(actually written around January 2008, first public display; I wrote a song about the infamous Raatuse 22 parties, but now look at it as a funny memory of the stuff I used to do.)

standing in the hall of infamy

putting boredom out of its misery

defying the law of gravity

passing the bottles 1,2,3

smiles on our faces gallantly

ignoring laws of security

under the spreading potato tree

vodka rains on our souls-to-be

take the bottles and pass ‘em around

the falckons ain’t comin to knock us down

if not for an hour, maybe two or three

so pass that spirit on back to me

mixing with juice and with love crazy

bravo, nikolai, they say to me

as I throw the liquids so easily

drinking in a cold society

standing on up like the infantry

i’m a trooper from across the sea

whose liver has never had to see

what it can process so easily

i’m not like this everyday

the falckons don’t knock me for my foul play

but when it gets to minus 13 C

pass that spirit on back to me

1,2,3 pass it to me

empty bottle, baltic sea

kentucky accordion stomp

the folks eat pizza and work on stuff

the folks drink coffee and are enough

they fill the room with hoots and claps 

while shaun and abigail fill the room with taps

the room with taps

kentucky accordion stomp, relax

we’re all so huddled in our chairs

we’re all so huddled with our fare

we take our photos, reportage

while shaun and abigail sing a song of love

a song of love

kentucky accordion stomp, above

as they sing Spanish on the stage

as she sings with a spark and flame

the zombie duo needs no shine

oh, shaun and abigail, this is all your time

all your time

kentucky accordion stomp, just fine

kentucky accordion stomp, just fine